Live.Laugh.Love

day 2 wo you

Saturday, September 6

I just touched down from Melbourne. For a very long time, I never felt so happy or rather relieved in departing for an aussie flight on a Fri night. I start to appreciate my job (surprisingly). without this, I don't know how I can spend my weekends in singapore not whatappsing or finding you.

i start to appreciate how wonderful it felt when I received whatapps from you whenever I touch down in another country. also, I feel even more happy when I receive your text when I am back in singapore. I am so scared I will not receive any more texts from you. and I am v scared you change your fb profile pic. I don't know if you still keep it cos you don't want to hurt me or deep down I still mean smth to you.

I read a very interesting article which speaks to my soul. which tell me straight in my face, how failure I was as a partner. I realised most of the time I am only being as a partner in terms of intimacies or as a mere companion. I am always living as an individual, putting all expectations in my partner to complete me as a whole. all thru his efforts and not as a combination of efforts.

I couldn't help myself but contact him again. I wanna just share with him tt article and let him know my thoughts. maybe it is too soon for me to do tt, but I cannot help it. I keep emphasising the fact that why people only know how to treasure when things are lost.

he didn't reply me much and I really feel so sad and disturbed, for the first time, I feel there isn't any hope left. all I am doing now is struggling. struggling to the surface of water, getting as much air as possible.

the articles made me think alot. think of how wrong was I as a partner. all the while, through our argument, I only try on the surface, I never look deep into the problem and see how wrong am I. I always wish the other partner has unlimited tolerance. I never thought every human beings has a limit. a limit which only love alone cannot fulfil.

he has always been the lone ranger in the Relationship. what I did was asking and not giving. he often ask me what I give? I always reply alot of things. but deep down, it is really nth.

omg, I have so much to say to you. I want to convince you. I want to give you the confidence in us again. but I really scare. everything is too late alr.

-Sign Off @ 4:23 PM :)