Monday, September 8
i just touched down from melbourne. feeling a little more peaceful now. silly thought, when i touched down, i was so hoping to receive his text, be it what apps or fb msg or any form of communication, and i will be so thrilled. but, it didn't happen at all. it seems to me that receiving his messages is like holy grail.
it seems that the only way for him to contact me is when the osim thing arrived. hmm what if there isn't this osim thing to begin with? is it the end? anyway, right now i am hopeful yet scared when he msg me that the osim thing arrive. i mean this might just be the last time we are meeting, the last time we are talking abt our relationship. i kept replaying what happened tt night in my head. the words he said, his actions, just doesn't seem that there is anymore hope left in this relationship. i am sorry. i have so many things that i wanna do right, so many things that i wanna salvage. why can't he just give it a chance? what must i do to convince him? to make him have confidence in us again?
while on flight today, i just wish the flight never ends, for the first time. when the place touches down singapore, the reality hits me. right in front of me, there was an old couple holding hands while the plane lands. normally i don't see such stuff, it is funny how you begin to see stuff when you lost something so precious to you.
tmr is the hello kitty run registration. we were supposed to go together. he didn't message me abt it. but i am still gg to register. i asked my brother if he wanna run with me, he seems game for it. hopefully when we meet up, and i told you abt the registration of the run, you will go with me?
i am glad i am gg to wake up in another 28 hours time for reporting for sydney flight. cos after it is done, i will what apps you abt your soccer match. i did mention to you while i was talking to you in fb, but you didn't reply me. tt hurts me a lot. in fb, i told you how hard it was for me, you ask em to continue taking care of myself. i keep asking myself, what does it even mean? i am scared. i am scared that by you agreeing to take some time off is just patronising me when in fact you have already made up your decision.
i never felt so lost and afraid ever since during the period i broke up with jeremy. you are the one who pick me up from the dark tt time. please don't throw me back in the dark again? i know i am not a bad person. and i thought you should give up if i am. why did you just throw away whatever we had? when you said i wasn't your soulmate and i am not the person you can visualise marrying. tt just hurts. a lot.
you chased me when we were happening. now it is my turn to chase you back. all i hope is that you can see my efforts and how i wanna make things right. you said tt night, by now we shouldn't be just hoping to make things right, but instead we should be v comfortable and looking into marriage. i mean i don't really agree. who decides what is the timeframe to be really comfortable with each other? love is a process. we keep learning, we just don't give up! we never say quits just like tt.
yes, we have bad times. but we can't just sacrifice all the good times we had bintan taiwan, cruise, bali and even bangkok. movies tgt, watching shows from your house, all the intimacy we had, all the secrets we shared, how we behave spontanously, the chemistry we have, how we think alike at times, how we starting to look like each other, when we were selecting which unit for our bto...
p.s my dad asked me so cdm you gg japan from 7-12 nov? i replied ya, softly.
