Tuesday, September 9
hello from Sydney! fatigue from such early morning flight but I still want to draft of this post. today seems like my most rational day. yeah, still thinking of you, but at least the emotionals weren't as overwhelmed as past few days.
stalked you today as usual, seems like it is night flying for you again haha. anw I just wanna take the opportunity tt I am on my clearest mind to draft out some of the pointers I have been gg thru past few days
sigh, for the past few days, it seems like mths I am serious. I just can't stop thinking abt you. there are so much times I felt that I did wrong in the relationship. I don't know if you have been thinking thru our rs? I am scared. okay yeah, for past few days I have been constantly feeling fear.
one of the issue you had with me was me wanting to spend time with you. I mean of course I wanna spend time with me cos I really wanna see you. I want to see you all the time, esp now when my off days in singapore are so precious, of course I want to see you. what is wrong with tt. but then as I reflected, some of the days when I am off, you are probably just had a long and tiring work day and you might not be in best condition to meet me, yeah I understand tt. what hurts me the most is what you said to me tt fateful day. you said maybe I will want to meet you all the time when you really in love with me. but cos maybe you aren't having tt kind of feelings towards me and tt is why you feel so drained out when meeting me. I was really hurt when I heard tt.
well the other issue is perhaps you needing time to meet your friends. yeah, I totally understand tt. tt is one part which I felt I really did wrong and will like to change. obviously when I am not in singapore, it is natural to want to hang out with your friends. esp during the weekends. I was v wrong to feel upset or even angry when you went to bkk or genting for gamble. if time can really turn back, I will just totally be v cool with you gg just like how you let me go bali to attend wedding and how you allow me to go club for chong bacherlotte party. couples should be like this. trusting each other to do things as long as it isn't cheating. for tt I am truly sorry for causing so much distress on you on several occasions.
next, the part which you said I am materialistic. for tt I will like to disagree it to a v large extent. you knew how I was like before I join sia. I don't buy branded stuff. and I can't even bare to take cab. this job doesn't change me. this job just gives me more power to purchase whatever stuff I like. moreover, when I travelled to doff country and the particular item is so much cheaper overseas than in singapore, you will naturally wanna buy. it is just like when you went US, you bought stuff for yourself too. you can't say tt I am materialistic. materialistic is when I am buying branded stuff on monthly instalment. I am not. I am buying them in full payment which means I have alr save some money aside to buy stuff I wanted. also, how much longer am I gg to work in sia? after sia, I probably wouldn't have the purchasing power anymore. I know you don't really have an issue with it. you are unhappy and even hurt that while i can so generous with my purchases but yet stinge on our dating expenses. for tt, I will like to apologise. all the while, my thinking is tt guy should pay for dating expenses and yes maybe in the beginning it should be tt way. at our stage, I should bear abit of responsibilities as a partner. I feel bad reflecting on it. most of the time I am the one who said wanna cafe hope, try new desserts, try new places and yes you are right, all these places cost money and most of the time, you are the one footing the bills. . I should really consider your financial situation, and perhaps should take some of your suggestions when dining out. like the article I sent you, sometimes if not most of the time I really do treat you as the 'ideal partner' as though you open bank and print money, if you willing to give me a chance, I will like to treat you as who you really are. I wanna treat you with respect.
there are stuff which I wanna say. but I guess is enough for now. tmr I will whatapps you asking you abt the soccer match. and I certainly hope there will be a postitive reply from you although deep in my heart I kenna expect what will be the likely outcome. you will only meet me when the osim thing arrive? I know you are not the type of Man who changes his kind easily, I really just gambling of my special position in your heart to change tide.
