Live.Laugh.Love

day 19 wo you

Wednesday, September 24

tmr is the day. i really don't know how he will take it. i pray.

i hope one day, i will stop updating this space forever.

-Sign Off @ 2:56 AM :)

day 18 wo you

Monday, September 22

had a not so good flight, keeps kenna nitpick at. have such a sudden urge to talk to you.

esp after how clearly my thoughts flow to me ytd night when I only had one hour of sleep. sigh. when the thoughts come to me I felt pretty confident abt us cos I feel I can convince you, I feel tt I can make you give us another chance again. but then I just scare I will forget the thoughts I had ytd. wow, ytd was really massive flow of thoughts. suddenly our rs seem to be running on a PowerPoint slide, I saw how clearly our rs went.

sigh, I will be gg hkg frisco next. I can't imagine what will happen when I meet you. I am still scare. I scare you have alr made up your mind and there isn't any point of redemption :(

recently I noticed he like v active in fb, like more than whatapps. so so so scared he has someone new, and has been talking to her.

-Sign Off @ 5:48 PM :)

day 17 wo you.

Sunday, September 21

greetings from narita! sigh, of all places I got to be in Japan to remind of my present unhappiness.

asked kenneth if they got talk abt me when they met up ytd. kenneth said tt he doesn't seem to be v affected by us. seriously, day by day, I do not have any chances left. I guess to him, meeting me after my hkg frisco, besides passing me tt stupid osim thing, he also wanna do a proper closure with me.

looking back, I wonder why I always complain tt the time we had tgt is so little every time we met. why didn't I treasure it? :( right now, I can't even see your face, smell you, touch you. and I can't even see any of your messages.

I can't imagine my life wo you.

kenneth just replied. I don't have good feelings abt this, you got to be mentally prepared.

-Sign Off @ 9:18 PM :)

day 16 wo you

Saturday, September 20

as I wake up today with one sore eye, a fact hits me suddenly. I realised we didn't wish each other on the 18th this mth. it is supposedly the 37th anniversary. first time not wishing each other. and on his part, he didn't wish me also. yeah, actually not expecting any msg from him, but thought maybe he will msg me?

sigh, till now he still didn't whatapps me. I wanna try, but it just seems like there isn't any room for me to try.

pray tt I have a good flight to nrt and back ba.

-Sign Off @ 1:27 PM :)

day 15 wo you.

met zs for my birthday treat today. half the time i was hoping it was you i am spending my fri night with. perhaps watch maze runner and dinner with you. suddenly, what we eating doesn't matter. is the company tt matters. thinking back, it is funny how we are always so indecisive in what to eat. i guess it was me, you are always fine with eating anything, as long as is not beef? haha

after meeting zs, i met kitty. finally some girl times. and i pour my hearts out to her. i like how i can talk to her abt anything. when i say anything, i meant it. i dare to admit the ugly me. all the things which i have done wrong in the relationship, i told her. and she also tell me jackson wanted to break up with her too. different thing was he agreed to give her another chance on the same day and a few mths later, he proposed. sigh, i think situation with him isn't the same. it has been so long. he didn't what apps me at all.

kitty and i agreed. how can men be so heartless suddenly. when they change, they really change and don't look back. but i won't give up, i wanna keep trying because i am v sure he is the men i wanna be for the rest of my life. i reckon the fact tt i simply cannot live wo him. i wanna tell him so many things, i only scared i do not have the chance to. i wanna tell him, i want to change. i need this last chance to change. to prove to him i can make him v happy in this rs. i want to tell him that i am so sorry for taking him for granted most of the time and i wanna make it up to him. i wanna tell him i will control my temper and i have the confidence to do it cos i don't wanna lose him. i wanna tell him i am so sorry for having selfish thoughts all the time. i wanna tell him i will start thinking of the future. i wanna tell him i can contribute monetary in the rs. i wanna tell him he don't need be the sole contributor to the rs. i wanna tell him i love him a lot, and with tt amt of love, i can change me.

so, can you don't be so heartless?

-Sign Off @ 3:58 AM :)

day 14 wo you.

Friday, September 19

hits me hard again today. 3rd day since I last contacted you, I really had the urge to text you again. but I guess none of the reason I told myself to is strong enough.

last seen on whatapps today, 4.55am. I really felt the distance bet us. I honestly have no idea what you were doing. and I am dying to know. have you hook yourself to a new girl? have you been partying with your friends till late. have you suddenly change into another Jeremy, like when we broke up to time :(:(:(

watched movie today. first time wo you in 3years. the whole time, I have been wondering you will def like this movie. God, I am really scared, the project is complete, how will you take it when you see it?

-Sign Off @ 6:10 AM :)

day13 wo you.

Wednesday, September 17

this morning, it was raining v heavily. can't help to but post a msg on my fb wall. 'heavy downpour lil this, pls be careful my dear.' i am quite sure he saw it, but of course he didn't text me haha. sigh, wouldn't expect it too man.

today his last seen on what apps is like 3 plus pm. and then i was thinking to myself, since when he work so late one. maybe is lunch break or smth. sigh, i don't even know his schedule now. but based on his last seen on what apps, he kind of accustomed his schedule acc to mine ba. comes oct, i don't know man. he never even ask for my schedule and i guess there will be a lot of crashes ba. i really think we are slowing coming to an end. a natural death perhaps? what will be his reaction when he received what i did? the one i scared the most, will he he feels nth abt it...

-Sign Off @ 5:26 PM :)