Live.Laugh.Love

day 19 wo you

Wednesday, September 24

tmr is the day. i really don't know how he will take it. i pray.

i hope one day, i will stop updating this space forever.

-Sign Off @ 2:56 AM :)

day 18 wo you

Monday, September 22

had a not so good flight, keeps kenna nitpick at. have such a sudden urge to talk to you.

esp after how clearly my thoughts flow to me ytd night when I only had one hour of sleep. sigh. when the thoughts come to me I felt pretty confident abt us cos I feel I can convince you, I feel tt I can make you give us another chance again. but then I just scare I will forget the thoughts I had ytd. wow, ytd was really massive flow of thoughts. suddenly our rs seem to be running on a PowerPoint slide, I saw how clearly our rs went.

sigh, I will be gg hkg frisco next. I can't imagine what will happen when I meet you. I am still scare. I scare you have alr made up your mind and there isn't any point of redemption :(

recently I noticed he like v active in fb, like more than whatapps. so so so scared he has someone new, and has been talking to her.

-Sign Off @ 5:48 PM :)

day 17 wo you.

Sunday, September 21

greetings from narita! sigh, of all places I got to be in Japan to remind of my present unhappiness.

asked kenneth if they got talk abt me when they met up ytd. kenneth said tt he doesn't seem to be v affected by us. seriously, day by day, I do not have any chances left. I guess to him, meeting me after my hkg frisco, besides passing me tt stupid osim thing, he also wanna do a proper closure with me.

looking back, I wonder why I always complain tt the time we had tgt is so little every time we met. why didn't I treasure it? :( right now, I can't even see your face, smell you, touch you. and I can't even see any of your messages.

I can't imagine my life wo you.

kenneth just replied. I don't have good feelings abt this, you got to be mentally prepared.

-Sign Off @ 9:18 PM :)

day 16 wo you

Saturday, September 20

as I wake up today with one sore eye, a fact hits me suddenly. I realised we didn't wish each other on the 18th this mth. it is supposedly the 37th anniversary. first time not wishing each other. and on his part, he didn't wish me also. yeah, actually not expecting any msg from him, but thought maybe he will msg me?

sigh, till now he still didn't whatapps me. I wanna try, but it just seems like there isn't any room for me to try.

pray tt I have a good flight to nrt and back ba.

-Sign Off @ 1:27 PM :)

day 15 wo you.

met zs for my birthday treat today. half the time i was hoping it was you i am spending my fri night with. perhaps watch maze runner and dinner with you. suddenly, what we eating doesn't matter. is the company tt matters. thinking back, it is funny how we are always so indecisive in what to eat. i guess it was me, you are always fine with eating anything, as long as is not beef? haha

after meeting zs, i met kitty. finally some girl times. and i pour my hearts out to her. i like how i can talk to her abt anything. when i say anything, i meant it. i dare to admit the ugly me. all the things which i have done wrong in the relationship, i told her. and she also tell me jackson wanted to break up with her too. different thing was he agreed to give her another chance on the same day and a few mths later, he proposed. sigh, i think situation with him isn't the same. it has been so long. he didn't what apps me at all.

kitty and i agreed. how can men be so heartless suddenly. when they change, they really change and don't look back. but i won't give up, i wanna keep trying because i am v sure he is the men i wanna be for the rest of my life. i reckon the fact tt i simply cannot live wo him. i wanna tell him so many things, i only scared i do not have the chance to. i wanna tell him, i want to change. i need this last chance to change. to prove to him i can make him v happy in this rs. i want to tell him that i am so sorry for taking him for granted most of the time and i wanna make it up to him. i wanna tell him i will control my temper and i have the confidence to do it cos i don't wanna lose him. i wanna tell him i am so sorry for having selfish thoughts all the time. i wanna tell him i will start thinking of the future. i wanna tell him i can contribute monetary in the rs. i wanna tell him he don't need be the sole contributor to the rs. i wanna tell him i love him a lot, and with tt amt of love, i can change me.

so, can you don't be so heartless?

-Sign Off @ 3:58 AM :)

day 14 wo you.

Friday, September 19

hits me hard again today. 3rd day since I last contacted you, I really had the urge to text you again. but I guess none of the reason I told myself to is strong enough.

last seen on whatapps today, 4.55am. I really felt the distance bet us. I honestly have no idea what you were doing. and I am dying to know. have you hook yourself to a new girl? have you been partying with your friends till late. have you suddenly change into another Jeremy, like when we broke up to time :(:(:(

watched movie today. first time wo you in 3years. the whole time, I have been wondering you will def like this movie. God, I am really scared, the project is complete, how will you take it when you see it?

-Sign Off @ 6:10 AM :)

day13 wo you.

Wednesday, September 17

this morning, it was raining v heavily. can't help to but post a msg on my fb wall. 'heavy downpour lil this, pls be careful my dear.' i am quite sure he saw it, but of course he didn't text me haha. sigh, wouldn't expect it too man.

today his last seen on what apps is like 3 plus pm. and then i was thinking to myself, since when he work so late one. maybe is lunch break or smth. sigh, i don't even know his schedule now. but based on his last seen on what apps, he kind of accustomed his schedule acc to mine ba. comes oct, i don't know man. he never even ask for my schedule and i guess there will be a lot of crashes ba. i really think we are slowing coming to an end. a natural death perhaps? what will be his reaction when he received what i did? the one i scared the most, will he he feels nth abt it...

-Sign Off @ 5:26 PM :)

day 12 wo you.

epic failure. everything i have built up all gone cos of a stupid what apps to him. as i was saying, i alr tried v hard to not contact him ytd. but then today i can't help it. my ward leader msg me for a causal chat, i know it was nth much. but then i shamelessly use this as an excuse to what apps him. i was checking his what apps last seen while my ward leader is talking to me. and then i just send a text to him. hahahha i wanted to kind of make me a little jealous? but guess not , he was actually more worried that my ward leader contacted me due to work reason than thinking he is trying to hit on me. hahahha. one word of me, or two words. childish and shameless. :(

and then i go on to show him my vulnerable side AGAIN. i really didn't want to. but i cannot help it. i said i wanted to hear his voice to cure my insomnia. hmmm how lame was tt? but anw, he said my osim stuff is ready for collection. hmm okay nice, all the while i have been waiting for him to what apps me that the stuff arrived, but guess not. wj was right. he said maybe the stuff has alr arrived, is just that he didn't text me. anw he said he will be quite busy this week and will pass to me as soon as possible. and then i mentioned if he has alr decided? he like say don't have. or rather the impression he gave me is don't care. he told me actually he hasn't been thinking abt us. nice. everyday, i can't get him off my mind, almost everyday i have been tearing. i feel i am getting worthless to him. just a pest which keeps bothering him. why are we becoming like this? :(

i asked him if he miss me and if he likes his life now, and he just say don't know. and he says he hasn't figure it out yet. vaguely, i rmb him saying like, if he breaks up with me, how will i take it. and then i asked is this what you want? he said don't know. he said he don't wish to hang me there. omg i don't know. all the words he said are like multiple knifes stabbing me.

i told wj and kenenth abt this. they just keep asking me to prepare for the worst. yeah, kind of predicated it. and wj even said smth tt is hurtful but seems like the fact. i asked him if this is like the end of us. he said yeah, no hope alr. cos he said he will behave the same way as him if he wanna end things. :(:(:(

anw it seems like we will meet after my hkg frisco. maybe it isn't a bad thing i what apps him ytd. cos after ytd, my hope diminished a little. or rather day by day, it is diminishing. it just seems that i have nth left to fight for.

-Sign Off @ 1:43 AM :)

day 11 wo you

Monday, September 15

has a nightmare ytd, i dreamt that you changed your dp on your fb haha. so the moment i wake up, i go your fb and check, still the same. hmmm a little sense of relief. i think why i will dream abt the fb is cos last night. i was 'stalking' him on fb, he appears online at 3 plus am but then his what apps last seen is 12 plus. hahahha don't know if this is just a fb glitch. or he really appearing online?

there were a lot of thoughts running thru my mind. haha. at first i thought maybe he was stalking me too haha. but then i am using fb messenger and i have checked, it is not exactly possible to see my last seen. haha. then i was wondering why he is online? maybe he saw me typing smth and waited to see if i did send them out in the end? hahhaha. crazy. but then i was thinking this is not him, so the next worst thought comes. he is talking to someone else on fb?? lol maybe this links me in dreaming of him changing his fb pic, cos he don't want his potential to know he got gf? lol.

every day i wake up and reality hits me, it is like hell. :( everyday i really wish time can turn back, i will never buy that stupid chanel bag man. never. sighhh now i don't really have much to say alr. except waiting? waiting for the osim thing to come. even though we said we will what apps each other if we miss the other party, i think he probably won't what apps me ba. when liverpool lost, i thought i will receive what apps from him when i touched down from del, but guess not. every day, i think to myself, never thought this will be our ending. god, please have some signs to save our relationship?

-Sign Off @ 4:16 PM :)

day 10 wo you.

Sunday, September 14

I guess 3 days is the max i can take wo talking to you. today is the 3rd day since we last whatapps and I seriously feel like dying. even if I went out with kenneth and wj, it helps a little but still v unbearable. they also say prepare for the worst. prepare for the worst. by saying giving him more time is a way to drag it, so tt it doesn't appear he throw everything out of the window.

I don't know what else to say cos my heart is draining. it is so hard

are you enjoying your single life now? and not missing me a single bit? :(

-Sign Off @ 10:22 PM :)

day 9 wo you

Saturday, September 13

my friend said smth really sad and bad news to me. she said she asks her bf. and the bf said. if the guy said give him more time to think, it probably means v little hope. cos the guy is just wanna to avoid thinking abt this issue and wanna drag this. in fact, maybe the other party might not even go and think abt it. sigh.

what hope is left?

-Sign Off @ 1:38 PM :)

day 8 wo you

hello from Delhi! first time so happy to do a Delhi flight and tt is cos it is So light load and I get to work ey. chop chop la. heehee. wants to share with you but I guess not ba. lol I even wonder if you will track my whatapps to see if I have landed safely? did you do tt?

it was just ytd when we msg the whole day. but it feels damn long alr man. anw we agreed not to whatapps for awhile. but we also said if we miss each other, we will whatapps each other. lol. well, what are the chances he will msg me? I mean he is not even sure of his feelings towards me, why will he miss me hahaha. I guess I am slowly accepting the fact that we will break up or rather we have broken up? wise words, what is meant to be yours will be yours. being said tt, it is still bloody hard to go through this period. a period wo you.

well I still standby my thoughts. if two person love each other, shouldn't we just try to work things out? but yeah according to him, he might not even has any feelings towards me anymore. someone said issit cos of third party, tt's why you wanted the break just tt easily, throwing out everything we ever had out of the windows at the snap of your fingers. but I know you, you wouldn't just abandon me cos of another woman??

I tried googling the period to wait for preorder of osim item. haha, but can't find any results.

hmm through this period will he ever miss me? because if he msg me means he miss me which means something.. a hope. a hope that I have been waiting. a chance. a chance to make things right. I am just scare that I might not even be given this chance.

urgh. is time that I need to be happy with myself, with my life. a life which maybe doesn't involve you anymore?

*recently I just have alot of thoughts of how I will decorate our bto. lol. why why why.

-Sign Off @ 1:53 AM :)

day 7 wo you

Thursday, September 11

everyday when i wake up to the reality, i ask myself why have things between us become like this. we spoke on the phone ytd. every of his words hurt like knifes to my heart, constantly stabbing me. and i realised nth much has changed in his thinking as compared to a week ago. as i remembered what he spoke on the phone, it really hurts me, it feels that there isn't any hope. my hope in the relationship is constantly disminished by you.

over the phone, i kept emphasizing the fact that i wanna give you the confidence in our relationship again. he said it isn't about the confidence, is that he feels his love for me has gone down the hill in the process of our relationship. i was crushed when i heard that because i guess the only thing that had been holding us together is our love for each other. when he said he don't know what he is feeling towards me, whether is it really love or sympathy? and when i heard the word sympathy, i really really feel it is the end of the world bet us. he said he needed more time, and ask me don't harbour any hope alr and that the japan trip will most likely be cancelled. all these just spell itself clearly. i domt know what to do alr. i guess according to him, i have to wait till the osim thingy arrive before we can meet. he said if he meet me today, it will be patronising me. he said he don't want to do that to me. he said he wanna meet when he wants to. and then we will talk when we meet? but according to what we talk on the phone ytd, i wonder if there is any salvage point at all. how can his love for me just gone. yeah thought i can feel he don't love me as much as last time, i feel it is partially cos of me as well, i make the relationship to be like this.

can i have another chance to make it right? to make you love me deep again?

i think this post is a very destructive one. just hope deep inside him, he realised he still love me? tt will be the only salvation point.

-Sign Off @ 3:35 PM :)

day 6 wo you (2)

suddenly i feel so relieved and have a temporary sense of happiness! all cos he replied me! i don't know what took him so long to reply, but i am still a happy girl! our conversation is pretty casual, but i can sense that he didn't wanna avoid me totally.

but throughout the conversation, there is one sentence he said that bugged me. when i asked him if i can go watch him play and grab some dinner afterwards, he replied, 'sigh i really don't wanna see you sad anymore. will meet once the osim thingy is ready.' i feel kinda scared why he mention i will be sad if i meet him tmr? this doesn't take away my worry that he wanna give us a chance, still feels that he is sticking to his decision.

we agreed to talk on phone, but he had a last min poker thing to take part in haha. he said will talk if i am still awake when he reaches home. actually i am v tired after a sydney flight, but i wanna hear his voice. i will just try and stay awake as long as possible ba. oh, and one thing which makes me insecure is that when i what apps him and tell him i miss him, he didn't reply to it :(

is there hope? i repeat myself, i am a simple girl wanting another chance to make this relationship right. i know if he changes his mind, this will really be the final bet. but i am willing to bet on it cos i am going to try my hardest ever. please believe me? i will prove to you that you never fall in love with the wrong girl. i am still the soulmate you thought i was.

-Sign Off @ 1:50 AM :)

day 6 wo you

today is a v bad day, v bad. i feel there is no point of redemption to our relationship. i guess what had been holding me past few days is today. cos all along i wanted to contact him today. cos tmr is his soccer competition. and it is in the afternoon and i am off. we had been talking abt it, how he wanted me to go and watch him play soccer like finally. i sounded really positive of things when i msg him and then i mustered all courage to ask him tt qns. 'can i go? :)' i feel really excited for his reply, part of him thought he will say yes.

but then he replied, 'hmm don't think convenient leh. better not ba?' with that, he straight away go mia. his last seen was tt sentence. i checked his fb, he isn't online too. though he is at his boss chalet now, but he will probably still access to what apps. maybe his phone no batt? maybe he just switches his phone off just cos he knew i will bug him? there are several times when i wanted to just call him. but i feel i shouldn't. i tried googling airforce soccer competition, hopefully i can fine out the venue and time so tt i can go there? but i cannot find anythinggggg 'CRIES!'

it just feels...that things cannot be salvaged. he is like so cold towards me. i wonder how do he even feel when he received my msg? maybe there isn't love anymore. i rmb he telling me, tt time ker hui wanted to patch things up with him, but when he met her for dinner, he had no feels for her alr. i am just scared i will end up like her. i keep telling myself what am i supposed to do without him in my life, i love him so much. and the thought that i can't witness him play soccer tmr just tears me apart. when is the next time we will msg again? when the osim thing arrive?

i just want a chance to express my thoughts. i want to make things right. can we do that and not give up?

-Sign Off @ 12:44 AM :)

day 5 wo you.

Tuesday, September 9

hello from Sydney! fatigue from such early morning flight but I still want to draft of this post. today seems like my most rational day. yeah, still thinking of you, but at least the emotionals weren't as overwhelmed as past few days.

stalked you today as usual, seems like it is night flying for you again haha. anw I just wanna take the opportunity tt I am on my clearest mind to draft out some of the pointers I have been gg thru past few days

sigh, for the past few days, it seems like mths I am serious. I just can't stop thinking abt you. there are so much times I felt that I did wrong in the relationship. I don't know if you have been thinking thru our rs? I am scared. okay yeah, for past few days I have been constantly feeling fear.

one of the issue you had with me was me wanting to spend time with you. I mean of course I wanna spend time with me cos I really wanna see you. I want to see you all the time, esp now when my off days in singapore are so precious, of course I want to see you. what is wrong with tt. but then as I reflected, some of the days when I am off, you are probably just had a long and tiring work day and you might not be in best condition to meet me, yeah I understand tt. what hurts me the most is what you said to me tt fateful day. you said maybe I will want to meet you all the time when you really in love with me. but cos maybe you aren't having tt kind of feelings towards me and tt is why you feel so drained out when meeting me. I was really hurt when I heard tt.

well the other issue is perhaps you needing time to meet your friends. yeah, I totally understand tt. tt is one part which I felt I really did wrong and will like to change. obviously when I am not in singapore, it is natural to want to hang out with your friends. esp during the weekends. I was v wrong to feel upset or even angry when you went to bkk or genting for gamble. if time can really turn back, I will just totally be v cool with you gg just like how you let me go bali to attend wedding and how you allow me to go club for chong bacherlotte party. couples should be like this. trusting each other to do things as long as it isn't cheating. for tt I am truly sorry for causing so much distress on you on several occasions.

next, the part which you said I am materialistic. for tt I will like to disagree it to a v large extent. you knew how I was like before I join sia. I don't buy branded stuff. and I can't even bare to take cab. this job doesn't change me. this job just gives me more power to purchase whatever stuff I like. moreover, when I travelled to doff country and the particular item is so much cheaper overseas than in singapore, you will naturally wanna buy. it is just like when you went US, you bought stuff for yourself too. you can't say tt I am materialistic. materialistic is when I am buying branded stuff on monthly instalment. I am not. I am buying them in full payment which means I have alr save some money aside to buy stuff I wanted. also, how much longer am I gg to work in sia? after sia, I probably wouldn't have the purchasing power anymore. I know you don't really have an issue with it. you are unhappy and even hurt that while i can so generous with my purchases but yet stinge on our dating expenses. for tt, I will like to apologise. all the while, my thinking is tt guy should pay for dating expenses and yes maybe in the beginning it should be tt way. at our stage, I should bear abit of responsibilities as a partner. I feel bad reflecting on it. most of the time I am the one who said wanna cafe hope, try new desserts, try new places and yes you are right, all these places cost money and most of the time, you are the one footing the bills. . I should really consider your financial situation, and perhaps should take some of your suggestions when dining out. like the article I sent you, sometimes if not most of the time I really do treat you as the 'ideal partner' as though you open bank and print money, if you willing to give me a chance, I will like to treat you as who you really are. I wanna treat you with respect.

there are stuff which I wanna say. but I guess is enough for now. tmr I will whatapps you asking you abt the soccer match. and I certainly hope there will be a postitive reply from you although deep in my heart I kenna expect what will be the likely outcome. you will only meet me when the osim thing arrive? I know you are not the type of Man who changes his kind easily, I really just gambling of my special position in your heart to change tide.

-Sign Off @ 9:29 PM :)

day 4 wo you

Monday, September 8

today seems like a short day. i woke up late, still feeling fatigue from my draggy flight and sore eyes oopps. and probably gg to bath and sleep soon as i have an extremely early flight the next day. today is mid autumn festival. first time in a long time, i totally feel the absence of my love one. every year wo fail, he will buy moon cakes for me and my family, not forgetting to just get my fav type of moon cake. and he will come find me, chit chat under my hse even though he will have work the next day.

today, as i stalked his whatapps's last seen, i figured that he is having night flying. i will probably have slept by the time he appear 'online' again? i feel the distance bet us get long each other. i told james kenna what happened bet us, he said the chances is not high. he said maybe i can use tt tiny weeny chance bet us to salvage things again, i certainly hope tt will be the case.

i wanted to register for the hello kitty run today. i camped for it and the website is so hanged that i couldn't manage to register. by evening, i suddenly realised in actual fact i couldn't make it for the run. it is in 1st nov and i only touch down night time on 1st nov, sigh. while i was camping on my com for the kitty run at noon, i was stalking at his fb last seen, hoping to see him online. cos, if he is online, it kinda means that he was camping for it at his workplace if his work schedule allows him to? hmm well, but he didn't appear online at all.

from last night, i kept hoping he will ask me abt the kitty run. ever since last night, every what apps msg i received, every call i received, every fb notications, every email and even missed calls i have. i was hoping he contacted me somehow. or tell me he has booked the run tgt. but he didn't. i am so scared. every day i kenna live in fear, every day i am scared. i scared as time passed, he will be so comfortable wo me. and realised he is happier wo me. please. can't you just give us a chance?

-Sign Off @ 7:48 PM :)

day 3 wo you

i just touched down from melbourne. feeling a little more peaceful now. silly thought, when i touched down, i was so hoping to receive his text, be it what apps or fb msg or any form of communication, and i will be so thrilled. but, it didn't happen at all. it seems to me that receiving his messages is like holy grail.

it seems that the only way for him to contact me is when the osim thing arrived. hmm what if there isn't this osim thing to begin with? is it the end? anyway, right now i am hopeful yet scared when he msg me that the osim thing arrive. i mean this might just be the last time we are meeting, the last time we are talking abt our relationship. i kept replaying what happened tt night in my head. the words he said, his actions, just doesn't seem that there is anymore hope left in this relationship. i am sorry. i have so many things that i wanna do right, so many things that i wanna salvage. why can't he just give it a chance? what must i do to convince him? to make him have confidence in us again?

while on flight today, i just wish the flight never ends, for the first time. when the place touches down singapore, the reality hits me. right in front of me, there was an old couple holding hands while the plane lands. normally i don't see such stuff, it is funny how you begin to see stuff when you lost something so precious to you.

tmr is the hello kitty run registration. we were supposed to go together. he didn't message me abt it. but i am still gg to register. i asked my brother if he wanna run with me, he seems game for it. hopefully when we meet up, and i told you abt the registration of the run, you will go with me?

i am glad i am gg to wake up in another 28 hours time for reporting for sydney flight. cos after it is done, i will what apps you abt your soccer match. i did mention to you while i was talking to you in fb, but you didn't reply me. tt hurts me a lot. in fb, i told you how hard it was for me, you ask em to continue taking care of myself. i keep asking myself, what does it even mean? i am scared. i am scared that by you agreeing to take some time off is just patronising me when in fact you have already made up your decision.

i never felt so lost and afraid ever since during the period i broke up with jeremy. you are the one who pick me up from the dark tt time. please don't throw me back in the dark again? i know i am not a bad person. and i thought you should give up if i am. why did you just throw away whatever we had? when you said i wasn't your soulmate and i am not the person you can visualise marrying. tt just hurts. a lot.

you chased me when we were happening. now it is my turn to chase you back. all i hope is that you can see my efforts and how i wanna make things right. you said tt night, by now we shouldn't be just hoping to make things right, but instead we should be v comfortable and looking into marriage. i mean i don't really agree. who decides what is the timeframe to be really comfortable with each other? love is a process. we keep learning, we just don't give up! we never say quits just like tt.
yes, we have bad times. but we can't just sacrifice all the good times we had bintan taiwan, cruise, bali and even bangkok. movies tgt, watching shows from your house, all the intimacy we had, all the secrets we shared, how we behave spontanously, the chemistry we have, how we think alike at times, how we starting to look like each other, when we were selecting which unit for our bto...

p.s my dad asked me so cdm you gg japan from 7-12 nov? i replied ya, softly.

-Sign Off @ 12:14 AM :)

day 2 wo you

Saturday, September 6

I just touched down from Melbourne. For a very long time, I never felt so happy or rather relieved in departing for an aussie flight on a Fri night. I start to appreciate my job (surprisingly). without this, I don't know how I can spend my weekends in singapore not whatappsing or finding you.

i start to appreciate how wonderful it felt when I received whatapps from you whenever I touch down in another country. also, I feel even more happy when I receive your text when I am back in singapore. I am so scared I will not receive any more texts from you. and I am v scared you change your fb profile pic. I don't know if you still keep it cos you don't want to hurt me or deep down I still mean smth to you.

I read a very interesting article which speaks to my soul. which tell me straight in my face, how failure I was as a partner. I realised most of the time I am only being as a partner in terms of intimacies or as a mere companion. I am always living as an individual, putting all expectations in my partner to complete me as a whole. all thru his efforts and not as a combination of efforts.

I couldn't help myself but contact him again. I wanna just share with him tt article and let him know my thoughts. maybe it is too soon for me to do tt, but I cannot help it. I keep emphasising the fact that why people only know how to treasure when things are lost.

he didn't reply me much and I really feel so sad and disturbed, for the first time, I feel there isn't any hope left. all I am doing now is struggling. struggling to the surface of water, getting as much air as possible.

the articles made me think alot. think of how wrong was I as a partner. all the while, through our argument, I only try on the surface, I never look deep into the problem and see how wrong am I. I always wish the other partner has unlimited tolerance. I never thought every human beings has a limit. a limit which only love alone cannot fulfil.

he has always been the lone ranger in the Relationship. what I did was asking and not giving. he often ask me what I give? I always reply alot of things. but deep down, it is really nth.

omg, I have so much to say to you. I want to convince you. I want to give you the confidence in us again. but I really scare. everything is too late alr.

-Sign Off @ 4:23 PM :)

Day one without you

Friday, September 5

A lot have been going through my mind after the day. You were right, we should spend some time apart but I will never accept the death sentence, at least not for now. I apologised for dealing with it so immaturely. All i did was cry and cry uncontrollably. I didn’t manage to address the issues we had and i didn’t really express how i felt throughout our relationship. As i reflected, i laugh at myself for my behaviours. i kept asking you questions like ‘are we still gf bf?’ ‘are we still going on the trip?’ ‘how about hello kitty run?’. i sounded immature and the questions i asked are totally irrelevant and tt is exactly what you don’t need me to do now. Well, this is me. i behave like this when i was emotionally disturbed, which in this case, i was very emotionally disturbed.

A lot of thinking flow through my mind while i really think though our relationship, but i am not quite ready to pen it down. you are right. we really indeed need to spend some time apart. but i am scared, i alr started to feel lonely wo you. i am so scared this is it. the voice of you saying ‘we need to break up’ and ‘i am sorry’ kept ringing in my head. i am so scared, so scared that the love of my life will just be gone and never come back...

i guess this is when i really start thinking about our relationships. on the past few times, i did think but perhaps not so thoroughly. i took things for granted. i never thought we will really end? i thought after we make up, things will magically disappear. you will never know how it will hurt you till it ends huh.

-Sign Off @ 1:36 AM :)